Jadi ada gambaran. Mungkin bakal begini hari-hari begitu aku balik Indo. Routine. Bored. Dugaan aja sih. Holiday malah bikin jenuh. Mestinya jalan-jalan. Tapi di luar panas banget n kondisi tubuh lagi gak begitu fit belakangan ini. Jadi seharian muter youtube dari nonton Malificient, The Fault in Our Star sampai Rurouni Kenshin. Sambil unggah video ke youtube n foto2 ke blog. Sesekali ke halaman belakang metik jeruk yang lumayan yummy. Bolak-balik gak kerasa udah habis sampai 8 biji. Kadang bolak-balik kulkas ngoles2 hazelnut ke roti, makanan favorit pengganti gorengan, bakso, tahu tek, gado-gado, batagor, siomay, dsb dsb lah.. cherry sekotak juga udah habis.. kadang nyanyi Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud karena lagi suka lagu itu belakangan ini.. Sampai sampai housemate bertanya keheranan, "are you in love or something?"
Terus aku jawab, "ah naah. I just love this song. Hopefuly somebody will sing this song for me and maybe I will fall in love with that somebody just because he sings this song for me. Easily fall in love. Aaaahh just ignore me." Sambil ketawa gak jelas. Si housemate juga senyum2, mungkin sambil bilang dalam hati. "Nih anak baru agak gak beres kayanya." Yeah, makin aneh kayaknya diri ini. Sadar kok aku.. eh enggak, kadang suka gak sadar.
Aaaahh.. pengen lihat langit biru,, awan putih seperti bantal,, pantai dengan ombak berdebur-debur,, tapi sambil duduk, bukan sambil jalan. Sambil duduk di atas pasir dan mengamati semua itu. Ada burung camar juga.. mereka terbang, main dengan ombak. tapi gak pingin sendiri, pingin seorang kawan yang nyaman. Bukan dengan yang berisik. Dengan kisahnya yg sehangat hot chocolate di saat suhu udara dibawah 15ºC, seperti angin sepoi-sepoi.. bukan yang seperti musik hip hop.. seru tapi gaduh..
Ingin tenang..
Yaa Allah, You know what's in my heart. Please hold me tight. Yaa Rabb.
There will be another trip to paradise. Maybe to the real paradise. But let me know the earth version of paradise first, Yaa Rabb. You know how much I love nature. Will get super duper excited just to see the sheeps on the hill or when the rain drops on the ground or even to the window of the bus that I use on my way to uni. That's me. Its always easy to please me by such a cheap and simple thing like that. I smile easily here and there. People may call me silly or even crazy because of this. But I'm very grateful because of this. How I love Your sky, cloud, river, water, color, grass, birds, flowers.. How I love your people taking care each other, loving each other, they're holding hands, they're smiling each other. These kinda things are so wonderful for me. Morethan a fancy car with people being showoffy and talking about silly pride and competition. I have reached this and that, that apparantly ask me to admit their existence, in which actually, I will never care about them and their stupid achievement. I will probably smile and give a little comment, but I don't care.
I don't know. You always know what's in my heart.
And there's not only an angel beside me. There's an evil too. Everything that looks beautiful may not be good for me. And I'm so stupid. So hold me tight. I'll do my best not to fall, Yaa Rabb.
Actually I wanna go home. I've walked this far. So far far away that I have new standard n point of view in my life, but I still feel not enough. And You know what's in my heart. I know that this is quite high. But I feel useless. And You know what's in my heart.
Help me Yaa Rabb. Please.
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